why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
