now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
