Can Purell be used as lube?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
