So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Come on in and take your pants off
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