Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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