I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
