I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
