She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
