i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
