I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
