Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
