Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
