one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
