i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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