yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
