I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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