dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Im part way to drunk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
