Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
