Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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