He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need to align my fucking chakras
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
