Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
