He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
