I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
