Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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