you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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