So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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