I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
