Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize