Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize