Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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