She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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