It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
