Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
