party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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