no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
