Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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