i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
