Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
