I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Boobs are out for the taking
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
