Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
