no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
