Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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