I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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