Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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