I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
