we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
