Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize