It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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