Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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