I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Even my vagina gasped.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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