You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
