i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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