Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
