If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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