so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
