Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
