Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
