By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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