I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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