Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
