Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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