i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
