Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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