Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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