spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
