i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
