I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
