she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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